The Confusing Time-Merlin Event
by WeasleyIsMyKing7
Summary: Hermione goes back in time to the Yule Ball to set things straight, kill Voldemort and have no one she loves dies. Confusing at some points just ask me to explain it if you don't understand. :) Just a pointless thing I wrote when I was dead tired. Crack!Fic. Oneshot. Fremione. AU. T for language.
1. She did give a few fucks after all

**(DISCLAIMER: Any part of this that looks like it belongs to J.K. Rowling DOES belong to J.K. Rowling. This is just a pointless confusing drabble thing written by a depressed teenage fangirl. All I own is the plot."**

"Viktor?" Ron said. "Hasn't he asked you to call him Vicky yet?"  
She looked at him in suprise. "What's up with you?" she asked.  
"If you don't know," Ron said scathingly, "I'm not going to tell you."

Hermione stared at him, then at Harry, who shrugged.  
"Ron, what-?"  
"He's from Durmtstrang!" spat Ron. "He's competing against Harry! Against Hogwarts! You- You're-** fraternizing with the enemy**, that's what your doing!"  
She felt pain, not physical, of course. But emotional pain. How could Ron think that? She was his best friend, he was hers, add Harry in and they all knew each other inside out. After the pain she felt fury. How could **he **judge **her**? What type of hyprocrite was he, anyway? He hadn't ever at least remembered her birthday, even Harry hadn't. All of her life the only birthday presents she ever had were from her parents!  
"YOUR THE ENEMY!" she burst out. "You have never remembered anything about me! Except for me to do your stupid fucking homework! When's my fucking birthday?" She paused for a moment, head swiveling to look at Harry to see him looking ashamed and clueless.  
"I **Hate **you, both of you! You sit around there not even acknowlgeing me unless you need work done, or we're off on another adventure! I'm tired of the fucking adventures! I'm tired of no one giving the fuckity fuck about Hermione because she's just a bossy, know-it-all bookworm!" Everyone was staring, but she didn't care. She didn't care that Snape was taking off points or anything. "Well guess what Ron, Harry. Guess what? **I **don't give a fuck any more!" She pointed her finger around wildly, just wanted to infuriate everyone. To cause them pain. "Look at how many fucks **I **give! 1... 2... OH SHIT! THEY FLEW AWAY TO THE LAND WHERE NO BODY GIVES **ONE SINGLE FUCK**."  
She breathed deeply, smiling around at everyone's shocked faces. "And now that I don't give a fuck, " She stood up, walking into the crowd where Harry and Ron couldn't see her, until she emerged with a shocked Fred Weasley, who couldn't even think properly to access the situation.

"You know that little crush you have on me, Weasley?" she was looking at Ron. "Well look who's brother got it in first!" And then she kissed Fred. Not just a little peck either. A full, blown out passionate kiss, which he happily complied to, even though he had never thought about her in that way. 60 seconds later, Ron was mad. Really. REALLY. Mad. "YOU'RE MENTAL" He bellowed.  
She stopped snogging Fred instantly, licking her lips and he looked dazed. "Mental. Am I?" she smirked. She whispered an incantation. Harry's parent's were standing infront of him. Literally standing there. Not as ghosts either. "What- how-" Lily and James were confused. And that's when Hermione started crying. "I did it for you, Harry. Always for you. Your like the little brother I never wanted but got stuck with and love anyway. I invented a spell...obviously. It seemed as if everyone but Hermione, Fred, Ron, Harry and his parent's couldn't get in. There was a glass wall seperating everyone from them. They seemed to hear them though. "George!" She called, the boy in question staring at her in horror. "I won't hurt Fred, I promise. Come in.." She whispered a spell which made the glass wall move to encapture the said boy. It's okay, you can get him." she moved her stance from beside Fred, but looked back at him, her eyes full of love.

She whispered a spell again, which cause another set of twins, a set of older red-haired twins to appear the same way Lily and James had. "Your uncles," She smiled but remembered something. "And NO this is NOT DARK MAGIC, I'M SMART, NOT STUPID." "Now you can have your family's again. Oh and Harry," The boy in question was still staring at his parents like he couldn't believe what was going on. "Horcruxes are a powerful dark magic," She stared at Dumbledore hard. "And you will **NEVER **have to encounter one, because all of Voldemorts are gone."

"So... that leaves one more single tiny thing left." She smiled proudly when All of the other occupants of the box where pushed out.

She flicked her wand and several people screamed. Wormtail was there, as was Voldemort. Sirius was there too, in a glass box of his own. "Sirius, I give you the pleasure of knowing the REAL secret keeper and murderer of James and Lily Potter are going to be dealt with soon," She summoned 2 bags of popcorn, one for Sirius and one for her. "WHAT IS THIS?" Voldemort screamed. "It's your death day!" She started singing sarcastically. "Oh mighty Voldy, all your horcurxes are gone, and you will be too! RED, THE BLOOD OF ANGRY VOLDY, BLACK THE SCORCH MARKS THAT WILL LAST!" she started giggling manically. "Okay Okay guys, I get that using a unforgivable is unforgivable." She said as Aurors started to show up and attempt to get to her. "Which is why...hmm... I will be er- how do you put it? I will be killing myself after this, thanks. So lets get this ball rolling. Hmm... Pettigrew?" The man in question was trying to escape the box and his master but was having no sucess. "Hello you evil bastard," she said sweetly. "How do you like death? Pain with a side of...Rats?" She smirked as several dozen of rats appeard, starting to knaw on the man. "Ergh. Not a good way to celebrate christmas, seeing a traitor being eaten alive by rats. So I'll just end it quickly - AVADA KEDAVRA"

And with that Peter knew no more. "Well that was a bore, I thought there'd be more screams. Hmm...everyone's always so dissapointing, well...except for you Fred." She wiggled her eyebrows and winked. "So now off with you Voldy. " After the deed was done she turned to the stares of Aurors, Students, Professors, and everyone else. " Sirius, my man, did you like it? "YES" he screamed. "THANKS! I WORKED SO HARD TO KINDA..PRANK HIM!" She smiled brightly. "Always been a prankster, I have. No one ever knew, because they don't pay attention past the bookwormy exterior. Shame really, but I guess the sexy Weasley twins will always outdo us all. So... she pointed her wand at her head, and suddenly became older, prettier. She wore different clothes, she looked like she had been in a battle recently. She was at least 18. "MERLIN, OH MERLIN." A man, Merlin appeared next to her. "You've done well, Miss Granger. Better than I would have hoped." She smacked him on the arm. "Aw shucks, thanks Merls." She grinned. "Can I die now?" she looked eager, hopefull. "No, Miss Granger, you can't." Hermione looked stunned. "But... But we had a deal! If I came back in time and stopped the war- and stopped **Fred** dying, I could die in peace. I could stop having flashbacks, and the scars..." She pulled up her sleeve to show a **'Mudblood' **scar. "I WANT TO DIE! YOU KILL ME NOW MERLIN OR I WILL ... I WILL..."

"You will do nothing, Miss Granger. Because you can't. You could threaten to hurt somebody, or yourself, but you could never think to hurt another human as you have been hurt. Unless they deserved it. You are too good, too selfless, too kind, and too full of love. You could stay here, with the boy you love and your unborn child-" she gasped, hands flying to her stomach "-and live Happily, but you'd have to stay in this body, for fear that your child would die if you changed back ever again. Or you could go back to 1979, and live as Remus Lupin's twin sister with no memories of this, go to Hogwarts, become a Marauder, and end up Marrying Sirius Black or James Potter." "Eugh," she looked at Sirius and then James and Lily." Do I get a say in who I marry?" "Well, will say this, your love would sway towards a person whose family is darker than his name." "So Sirius? Well thats a bust, I was hoping to become the new Mrs. Potter! Nah Harry, Just kidding, don't throw up. I'll just stay here. Will I get arrested?" "No Child, anyone who tries to arrest you will come to a painful death, let's hope Umbridge tries it first." Hermione smiled, she really did hope that.

**o.o.O.o.o**

As it turned out, Umbridge did try and arrest Hermione first, which was a rather happy thing. She of couse, dropped dead 2 seconds later and that spooked everyone else off. And suddenly, no one seemed to care about how she used unforgivables, she had brought back the _dead_. Suddenly that's all everyone wanted. Their loved ones back. So she did it. If they were innocent, she brought them back. Ariana Dumbledore was now back amongst the living, as was her mother. Alice and Frank Longbottom were now healed, and Neville was now the happiest person on Earth. Everone who had fought for the light side and died were now here.  
And Hermione was loving it.

**o.o.O.o.o**

She never talked to Ron again, but she certainly talked to the rest of the Weasleys, especially Fred. They had concieved a daughter on April 1st, 1998, Fred's birthday. Heather Janina Weasley was born on November 13th 1995. She talked to Harry alot, and their bond got stonger, even with the age difference now between them. HE was her best friend. Not Ronald. She lived with and eventually married Fred, and loved every minute of it.

So as it turns out, she did give a few Fucks after all.


	2. Not a Chapter but please read!

Due to the little shit that said this. "um. conceived in April and born in November? that's fourteen months.. women are pregnant for only 9 months. and hermione is 100% OC.. was this a parody or were you trying to be a serious author? sorry but this was awful." Do you need a fucking education? Do you want me to fucking buy you one or some shit? You can't even capitalize your letters! I **MADE SURE** I got the calculations correct in the pregnancy. I'm not stupid. My sister got pregnant when I was 11 and I read all her pregnancy books since she was only 15 and was too lazy to do it herself. Here, let me explain this to you.

She got pregnant April 1st, 1998

April to May = 1 month

May to June = 1 month

June to July = 1 month

July to August = 1 month

August to September = 1 month

September to October = 1 month

October to November = 1 month

That equals 7 months, 13 days. Due to the fact that she shrunk to her previous body and Time Traveled all at once, she had her baby early. But with magic the baby healed perfectly and was on her way to becoming healthy. And the reason I'm getting so pissed off at you is this, Heather Janina is what I'll name my child. Why, you may ask? Because my best friend EVER, Was named Heather Weir. She died August 17th 2012. AT MY HOUSE. Her BIRTHDAY was YESTERDAY. I posted this in MEMORY of her! Don't belive it, here's the fucking way to get to to the news report just look up **Heather Weir death Goldsboro NC**. Sorry I look horrible but after witnessing my best friends death, I wasn't going to go curl my hair or some shit. And I get it's stupid. It's fiction. Not everythings going to be to your tastes, If I don't like something I just exit out, not try and prove a motherfucker wrong. Oh, and look how many fucks I give! 1...2... OH SHIT! THEY FLEW AWAY


End file.
